Addictions

Think about what you believe holds you back in life. For many of us in addiction recovery, it’s painful emotions that hold us back: emotions have been buried or never fully understood. Brené Brown, an American researcher and storyteller, has spent her career exploring two powerful forces that affect our lives: shame and vulnerability. Her research has shed light on the crucial differences between these emotions and how each one can either trap us or set us free. If you have ever felt stuck in your recovery or struggled with connecting to others (and who hasn’t?), then Brown’s insights are worth checking out. Understanding shame and vulnerability is much more than just the textbook definitions. Truly encompassing these insights is life-changing. First, what is shame? As Brené Brown explains, shame is the intense, painful feeling that we are flawed and unworthy of love and belonging. It’s a universal emotion that everyone feels at some point in their lives. However, shame can be particularly damaging to those in addiction recovery. Shame tells us that we are not good enough, that our past defines us, and that we are somehow broken beyond repair. In her TED Talk “Listening to Shame,” Brown explains that shame thrives in certain places: secrecy, silence, and judgment. Shame is the voice inside that says, “If people knew you, they would reject you.” Those in recovery typically carry guilt and remorse around, but shame is much deeper than guilt and remorse. Brown explains the crucial difference: Guilt is feeling bad about something we did, but shame convinces us that we are bad. It’s not “I made a mistake,” but “I am a mistake.” This distinction is important because shame can sabotage recovery. When we are consumed by it, we may feel unworthy of the progress we are making, or we may be too embarrassed to seek help when we need it. We isolate ourselves, which leads to further emotional pain. But what is vulnerability? According to Brown, vulnerability is not weakness. In fact, it’s one of the bravest things we can do. Vulnerability is the willingness to show up and be seen. It’s about being honest about our struggles and imperfections. This could mean admitting that we are scared of relapsing, that we are still learning how to trust people, or that we are scared of the future. While shame tells us to hide our flaws, vulnerability encourages us to reveal them. And here’s the key, according to Brown: vulnerability is the antidote to shame. The very act of opening up about our struggles takes the power away because it can no longer exist in secrecy. Brown’s research shows that vulnerability is where the magic happens. It’s how we form connections and build meaningful relationships, not by pretending we have it all together but by being honest about where we are in life. Shame and addiction: A destructive cycle Imagine this: You feel ashamed of a past mistake, so you drink or use drugs to escape the painful feelings. But when the high wears off, what are you left with? The shame of your past mistake and the shame of using drugs. This is an example of how shame perpetuates addiction. Brown talks about shame as a “web,” an emotional trap that keeps us stuck in destructive patterns. For those, in addition, shame plays a starring role. Many turn to substances as a way not to “feel,” and the feelings they avoid are those of unworthiness. However, what happens is that abusing substances simply creates more guilt and shame, feeding the cycle. Breaking free from this cycle means that you not only stop using the substances but also address the underlying shame. Brown’s research suggests that self-compassion and vulnerability are keys to this process. When we start showing ourselves kindness and open up about our pain, shame’s grip begins to loosen. Why vulnerability is necessary in recovery Recovery, by nature, is a vulnerable process. It’s stepping into the unknown, admitting that you don’t have all the answers, and being willing to rebuild your life step by step. In her book Daring Greatly, Brown describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure,” which perfectly sums up addiction recovery. Whether it’s walking into your first 12-step meeting or calling a therapist, recovery asks you to show in ways that feel terrifying but are ultimately transformative. In Brown’s research, people who live “wholehearted” lives—those marked with a sense of worthiness and deep connections—embrace vulnerability. They understand that being real and open, even when, especially when it’s uncomfortable, is the path to freedom. In recovery, vulnerability is more than just sharing your experiences and feelings, though. It’s about being willing to face the things you’ve been running from, whether that’s unresolved trauma, broken relationships, or the fear of who you are, without the numbing effects of substances. Vulnerability also means accepting that you will stumble along the way, and that’s OK. Give yourself grace when you do. Rewriting the story: from shame to vulnerability One of the most transformative ideas from Brené Brown’s work is that we have the power to rewrite our stories. Shame tries to tell us one story: that we’re not enough. But vulnerability allows us to tell a new story—one where we are worthy, where our struggles are part of our human experience, and where we have the courage to change. In addiction recovery, this may look like re-examining the stories you’ve been telling yourself about your past: Are you carrying shame about things you did while under the influence? Do you feel unworthy of forgiveness? Are you holding onto past trauma? Vulnerability invites you to question these narratives and start telling a story where you are no longer defined by your past. This is where the concept of shame resilience comes into play. Shame resilience is the ability to recognize shame, move through it constructively, and come out the other side without letting it define you. According to Brown, shame resilience is built through four practices: Recognizing shame and understanding its triggers—Know what brings up feelings of shame for you. It may not even be something obvious. It could be a memory, an event, or even someone’s reaction. Practising critical awareness—Challenge the beliefs that fuel shame. Are you truly unworthy or are you holding yourself to an impossible standard? Reaching out—Share your story with someone who has earned the right to hear it. This could be a sponsor, therapist, or a close friend. Vulnerability thrives in connection. Speaking shame—Talk about your shame openly. The more you bring it to light, the less power it has over you. These practices align closely with the work many do in recovery—whether it’s through therapy or self-reflection. Each step is a chance to lean into vulnerability and dismantle the hold that shame has over you. Creating a culture of vulnerability in recovery communities One of the most inspiring parts of Brown’s research is how vulnerability can create a ripple effect. When one person opens up, it gives others permission to do the same. This is why creating a vulnerability culture within recovery communities is so important. When people feel safe to be vulnerable, they are more likely to reach out for help and stay committed to their recovery. Recovery groups have the potential to be spaces where vulnerability is not only accepted but celebrated. This requires a shift from judgement to compassion, from secrecy to openness. When we create these spaces, we provide the groundwork for healing and growth, both for ourselves and for those around us. Vulnerability as the path to healing Brené Brown’s research on shame and vulnerability offers a powerful framework for anyone in addiction recovery. Shame may try to convince us that we are unworthy of love, connection, or sobriety, but vulnerability tells us something different. By showing up, speaking our truth, and being willing to be seen, we begin to dismantle the walls that shame has built around us. The journey from shame to vulnerability isn’t easy but it’s so worth it. As Brown beautifully states, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weaknesses.” In the end, the courage to be vulnerable is the courage to live authentically—and recovery offers that gift every day. White River Manor is here to help If you’re ready to break free from the cycle of shame and embrace vulnerability in your recovery, we are here to support you. White River Manor provides a compassionate, non-judgmental environment where you can heal, grow, and thrive. Whether you’re just starting your recovery or you need help taking the next step, our dedicated team is here to guide you every step. Contact us today to learn more about our programs and how we can help you build a life rooted in connection and self-compassion. You are not alone. Let’s take this journey together.