Narcissism

When you hear the term “narcissist,” what comes to mind? The term may evoke images of someone self-obsessed, always needing admiration, or having no empathy. But what about individuals who sometimes act that way yet never meet the full description? Can someone have narcissistic tendencies and not be a narcissist? The answer is yes—people can act in a way that seems narcissistic without actually having Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD. Being able to distinguish between narcissistic tendencies and actual disorder is crucial when working through relationships and personal growth in recovery. What are narcissistic tendencies? Narcissistic tendencies refer to behaviours or attitudes that resemble traits associated with NPD, such as self-centeredness, a preoccupation with the need for control, or a lack of empathy. However, unlike someone with NPD, a person with these tendencies doesn’t have a rigid and pervasive pattern of narcissism that dominates their personality. It is also worth realising that all people have times in life when they are egotistical. Whether it’s during times of stress, insecurity, or personal turmoil, people sometimes need reassurance or are preoccupied with themselves. But occasional self-centred behaviour does not mean has a personality disorder. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist specialising in narcissism, many people have these types of traits at one time or another, especially if they are experiencing high-stress environments, trauma, and even major life changes. "In our culture, we glorify individualism and success," she notes, "so it’s not surprising that many people will adopt narcissistic-like behaviours without realising it." What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder? To be able to understand the difference, let’s take a look at Narcissistic Personality Disorder. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), NPD is characterised by a pattern of grandiosity, continuous needs for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Individuals with NPD tend to think they are superior compared to other people, expect special privileges which make life easy for them, and are preoccupied with fantasies related to remarkable success, power, or beauty. Diagnosing NPD is not merely a trait-checking exercise, though. The disorder is pervasive-impacting nearly every aspect of the person's life: relationships, work, and social interactions. It is long-term and not a behaviour that surfaces or retreats depending on the situation. That's where the key difference lies between someone with narcissistic tendencies and someone with NPD. The roots of narcissistic tendencies So, what motivates people to exhibit narcissistic behaviours when they do not have NPD? Narcissistic tendencies are often traced back to low self-esteem, insecurities, or trauma. Sometimes, when someone feels vulnerable or threatened, they may compensate through appearing overconfident or being dismissive of others’ needs. For instance, right after a breakup, one may start seeking an excessive amount of validation on social media or become preoccupied with one's appearance. These may seem like self-centred behaviours, but they don't define a person's personality as a whole; rather, they are a response to an emotional or psychological stressor. It is also common that many individuals will show narcissistic tendencies in those cultures where success and accomplishment are highly valued. With this in mind, an individual who works in a competitive environment may become laser-focused on their goals at the expense of their relationships. This kind of tunnel vision may come off as narcissistic, but it’s more often a temporary response to the external pressures. The spectrum of narcissism Think of narcissism as existing on a spectrum. At one end of the spectrum, you have people who sometimes exhibit narcissistic traits—certain behaviours that only surface in specific situations or at particularly challenging times in that person's life. On one extreme are those who have narcissistic personality disorder. These are the people whose traits run so deep that they define how they relate to the world. In the middle of the spectrum, you may find the people with what is called "narcissistic traits,” meaning they consistently show narcissistic behaviours without meeting the full criteria for NPD. They may still lack empathy and have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, but their personalities are more flexible, and their narcissism does not consume every aspect of their lives. A study published in Focus, The Journal of Lifelong Learning in Psychiatry (2022) highlights that while narcissistic traits can be problematic, they don’t always signify a personality disorder. Some individuals can recognize and work on their tendencies through therapy, meaning it is possible to change behaviours over time. Narcissism and addiction There is a strong connection between narcissism and addiction, as they can both be coping mechanisms for deeper emotional pain or unmet needs. In recovery, individuals will face behaviours that, in retrospect, may have seemed narcissistic in nature. Addiction itself can breed a kind of narcissism—one driven to put the substance above everything else, including relationships and responsibilities. Someone deep in addiction may lie, manipulate, or use others to fulfil their need for alcohol or drugs. These behaviours may appear similar to narcissism because the addicted person is totally focused on fulfilling immediate needs. Of course, that doesn't make them have NPD. Rather, the addiction, rather, has been driving self-centeredness, and many of these tendencies may begin to fade away once they enter recovery. This distinction is important in recovery settings when people might feel shame or guilt for their actions in active addiction. Understanding that narcissistic tendencies can be part of the addiction rather than a personality flaw can help individuals forgive themselves and move on with their healing process. Can narcissistic tendencies be changed? The most promising fact about narcissistic tendencies is that they can be addressed and worked on. Unlike NPD, which is said to be more rigid and persistent, narcissistic tendencies are situational and can be minimised through self-awareness by therapy. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is especially effective in helping people recognize and challenge narcissistic behaviours. By identifying underlying fears or insecurities, people can learn healthier ways to cope without having to resort to narcissistic tendencies. For example, instead of seeking validation at all times, the person may work on building internal self-esteem. Similarly, developing empathy and emotional intelligence can help in reducing self-centred behaviours. However, the process isn't easy, especially for those who have spent years relying on these behaviours as a defence mechanism. It requires letting one's guard down and coming to terms with uncomfortable truths about oneself. In recovery, this often means learning to trust others again, opening up to feedback, and developing healthier, better-balanced relationships. Compassion towards those with narcissistic tendencies While narcissism can indeed be damaging, it’s important to approach individuals with narcissistic tendencies with compassion rather than judgment. Most of these behaviours are rooted in fear or insecurity, and labelling a person as a narcissist can be very counterproductive. This is most important in recovery when people try to shed harmful behaviours and find healthier ways of living. It is equally crucial to recognize when narcissistic tendencies cross over into toxic or dangerous territory. Setting boundaries is key, particularly in relationships where narcissistic behaviours are causing emotional pain and manipulation. Having empathy for the struggles that underlie these tendencies can allow space for healing rather than perpetuate further conflict. Conclusion: A matter of awareness and growth Can one be narcissistic without being a narcissist? Absolutely. Narcissistic behaviours exist on a continuum, and many people exhibit these traits during times of fear and stress. Being able to distinguish between the occasional narcissistic tendencies and Narcissistic Personality Disorder fosters empathy and personal growth, both in recovery and in life. Quite simply, it is about awareness. By recognizing when narcissistic tendencies arise and taking steps to address them, individuals are able to break free from such traits and create more meaningful relationships with others. In recovery, this awareness is a lifeline, helping people rebuild their lives with empathy and self-compassion. White River Manor is here for you. If you or a loved one are consumed by an addiction that keeps you in the dark, it's never too late to seek help. Here at White River Manor, we are prepared to walk with you and support you on your journey into recovery. Our empathetic staff offers individualised therapy, which includes cognitive-behavioural methods, to empower you to gain insight into yourself and others. Take the first step toward a fulfilling life, free from addiction—contact us today to learn what we have to offer and how we can help. We are here for you.

Narcissism

News

Can Someone Have Narcissistic Tendencies and Not be a Narcissist?

The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on Relationships

Freud on narcissistic personality disorder and its origins