If you had told me a few years ago that I would one day write about self-acceptance, I would have laughed. Of course, these were the days when I couldn’t even look into the mirror without feeling deep shame.
Addiction recovery, though, has taught me something incredible: I can learn to love myself. You can learn to love yourself. It’s not a feeling you have one day and proclaim, “Oh wow, today’s the day!” Rather, it’s a conscious decision you make every day.
What self-acceptance really means
In order to truly understand self-acceptance, let’s first understand what it is not: perfection. When you can let go of the unrealistic goal of “perfect,” you can begin embracing all parts of yourself—the good, the messy, the parts still under construction.
For me, understanding that my black-and-white thinking was holding me back was a radical shift. My default setting was to focus on my flaws and magnify them until they were all I could see. This wasn’t even something I did on purpose. Recovery taught me that self-acceptance is about balance: I can acknowledge my imperfections without letting them define who I am.
One of the biggest “aha” moments I have had in recovery is that self-acceptance isn’t complacency. Accepting who I am doesn’t mean giving up on growth. Instead, it means understanding where I’m starting from so I can move forward.
How recovery helped me find myself
Addiction recovery was my starting point for self-acceptance. Before I got sober, I didn’t know who I actually was, let alone how to accept myself. Addiction had completely stripped me of my identity. I was so consumed by guilt, shame, and denial that I couldn’t see past them.
In treatment, I began to unravel the layers of shame and denial that had built up over the years. Self-criticism and self-doubt were the first layers to dig through. Therapy helped me see the negative beliefs I had been carrying my entire life. For example, I had convinced myself that I was unworthy of love or forgiveness. Believing this kept me emotionally stuck.
Challenging those beliefs has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, but oh, so necessary. My therapist reinforced that self-acceptance starts with honesty. I knew I had a lot of work to do.
The tools that helped
Learning to love myself is a process that doesn’t happen quickly. I would get overwhelmed with what I believed was a lack of progress, that is until I started looking back. Instead of one big mindset shift, there have been a thousand little shifts that are too small to see in real-time, but they are evident when I look at the big picture.
Certain tools and practices have been incredibly helpful along the way:
Therapy

Whether it’s individual counselling, group therapy, or both, having a safe space to explore my emotions has been a game changer. Therapy gives me the tools to challenge negative beliefs and work on replacing them with compassionate, more realistic ones. Therapy has helped me unpack the root causes of a lot of my issues and understand how they have shaped my behavior. Over time, I started to see myself not as a collection of flaws but as someone deserving of care and understanding.
Gratitude journaling
I have always kept a journal, so this tool wasn’t so foreign. However, I had never consciously thought about what I was grateful for. In early recovery, I started writing down three things I was grateful for every day. At first, it felt awkward. Some days, the best I could manage was being grateful for coffee or clouds in the sky. Over time, though, this practice became a habit and shifted my focus from what was wrong with me to what was good in my life.
Mindfulness and meditation

Learning to be fully present has been transformative. Mindfulness and meditation have taught me to observe my thoughts without judgment—to just watch them float by. I have become an expert at detaching and observing them with curiosity. Through meditation, I have learned that I am much more than my mistakes or my emotions. Mindfulness has also deepened my appreciation for the present moments, allowing me to find joy in the seemingly insignificant day-to-day routines.
Setting and enforcing boundaries
Part of self-acceptance is recognizing my limits and honouring them. I call myself a “recovering people-pleaser.” I used to say “yes” to things I was not OK with or things that drained me because I thought my worth was tied to how much I could do for others. Recovery has taught me to say “no” when I need to and to focus on my own needs. After all, I can’t help others if I am not OK.
Affirmations
Affirmations felt ridiculously silly at first, but with practice, they helped me begin to rewire the inner dialogue. I wouldn’t even believe the things I was saying to myself, like, “I am enough” or “I deserve love and respect.” Over time, they started to sink in, and I began to believe the positive affirmations. They became a standard way that I talked to myself!
Yes, self-acceptance is challenging

I won’t sugarcoat it: learning to love and accept myself has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. For me, it was even harder than getting sober. There are days when I still struggle. Old patterns of self-doubt creep in, and if I’m not ready, I may be tempted to listen to those voices. Recovery has given me the tools to handle these triggers.
One of the biggest challenges was forgiving myself. I carried so much guilt and shame for the pain I caused others during my addiction. When I was unpacking these feelings with a therapist, she told me I was missing a very important amend.
“To who?” I asked.
“To you,” She said.
I had to see how I had not only hurt others but myself. I had made amends to others in my life but not to myself. This became another “aha” moment. Accepting that I’m human helped me. Learning that I hurt myself through my addiction just as much, if not more, than I hurt others helped me put this into perspective.
Another challenge was silencing the inner critic. The voice that says, “You’re not good enough” still resurfaces sometimes. But I have learned to talk right back to it. Instead of letting it take over and spiral, I counter it with compassion and logic. The critic may say, “You will never stay sober for life.” I tell the critic about the progress I have already made.
Self-acceptance beyond recovery
Self-acceptance matters beyond recovery. It’s about living a richer, fuller life. When I learned to accept myself, I became more authentic in my relationships. I realized I had nothing left to hide. I stopped trying to be what I thought others wanted and started showing up as my true self. Naturally, this authenticity has deepened my connections with others.
Self-acceptance has also given me the courage to pursue my passions and goals in life. Before recovery, I was crippled by a fear of failure. I wouldn’t even try because I knew I would fail. Now, I see setbacks as opportunities to learn rather than proof that I’m inadequate. This perspective shift has opened doors I never thought possible.
Spreading the ripple effect

One of the most beautiful things about self-acceptance is how it ripples out to others. As I’ve learned to love myself, I have become more empathetic and less judgmental. I truly understand that everyone is carrying their own struggles; no one is perfect, and a little kindness goes a long way.
I have had the privilege of supporting others on their journeys. Sharing my story and listening to theirs has been incredibly healing. It has broken down walls and fostered connections I never imagined I would have. It’s a reminder that I am not alone, not ever, and that recovery is shared among many.
“Good enough”
If there’s one thing I have learned more than anything else, it’s that perfection isn’t possible, and when I realize that, I can stop aiming for something that doesn’t exist. I have learned to embrace where I am right now, at any given moment, imperfections and all. “Good enough” has become my mantra. Each step forward, no matter how small, I celebrate.
Today, I can look in the mirror and see someone worthy of love, respect, and kindness. That doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days; I still do. It means I’ve learned to expect a bad day every now and then and realize that it doesn’t have to derail my progress. Recovery has taught me that loving myself isn’t selfish. Quite the opposite: it’s essential. When I take care of myself, I am better equipped to help others.
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It’s a lifelong path
I hope that you can see that self-acceptance isn’t a one-time achievement. It’s lifelong, and the path will be messy and muddy and even treacherous sometimes. But each day brings something new to discover. I don’t want to miss out on anything these days!
If you’re reading this and struggling to love yourself, first, know that you’re not alone. Recovery is hard, but it’s also one of the most rewarding things you will ever do. Take it one day at a time, and remember that perfection doesn’t exist and “good enough” is good enough! You are worth the effort it takes to learn how to love yourself and live freely.
White River Manor is here for you
At White River Manor, we understand how self-acceptance and addiction recovery go hand in hand, and we are ready to help you find both. Whether this is your first time considering rehab or not, stepping out and asking for help is the first step.
Contact us today to discover how we can help. You are not alone. Your path to self-acceptance begins here.